My Sexual Life Would Be Good, If Only

How many times do you put off your own growth, self-development work, fun, pleasure or education because of some made-up reason that really just slows you down and keeps you from having what you want, for no good reason?

With sexuality, many people have a chronic problem with putting it on hold because, well, "I'd work on it if only I had the time," or "I'd be able to get my needs met, if only I had the right lover," or "I'd indulge in something I want (a new toy, a weekend workshop, a pamper day) if only I had the money." Or "I'd have more fun sexually if only I were younger/prettier/didn't have kids," etc.

You disempower yourself and you prevent yourself from having what you really want with your "if onlys". "If only" is a clue you are making an excuse. How often do you find yourself thinking or saying, "I'd do it, if only..."?

I want to suggest that you get that little phrase out of your vocabulary.

You might be thinking, well, I can do that for some things but not for others. I hear people make lots of excuses about why they don't work on their sexuality and sexual relationships. They call me and claim they want to work on themselves, and then come the litany of reasons why they just can't. At that point, I suggest they think about it and when they're ready to make the commitment, contact me again.

I'm most interested in and satisfied by working with people who are committed to living more sexually fulfilled lives. People who want deeper levels of intimacy and more aligned, satisfying relationships. You want to know why I work with these people? Because when you're committed to something, really committed, you drop the excuses and you do whatever it takes. That's what makes it a commitment. And that makes what I do far more satisfying, than someone with one foot in and one foot out.

If you find yourself going back and forth in your mind about something and lots of excuses keep coming up, you might be interested and in a place of contemplating it, but you have not yet made a decision to do it and there is no commitment.

Sometimes people even do relationships that way, even the ones they call "committed".

They have made a false commitment to someone because they are still waffling with excuses and "if onlys" about the relationship. Pay attention if you hear yourself saying things like: "Well, he's a great guy. The relationship would be awesome if only he were a better lover, or if only he wanted kids..." or "Our sex life is good but not great. I get other things from her, so maybe this just isn't the thing we will have", or "We have good sex, but I want more emotional depth. If only he could provide that, I'd be totally fulfilled."

Many people settle in relationships, and then feel bad for settling. So to compensate for that and convince themselves they made a sound choice, they make excuses for their mate, or for why they are with them.

Does this sound familiar? I've certainly done it. So begin to notice where you are making excuses, holding back your own true desires with "if onlys". What can you begin to let go of and cut out? How much happier would you be if you let it go, and stopped making excuses for why you don't do or can't have something?

It's not bad to want something bigger for your sexuality. You are meant to expand sexually. If you are constricting rather than expanding, look at the reasons why and make a commitment to change them. The way to change your life is to take decisive action, commit and move.

What can you take action on right now in order to create movement in your life? What "if onlys" will you let go of this week?

Amy Jo Goddard thrives on helping people develop sexually empowered lives, deeper intimate relationships, more abundance and more pleasurable sex. A sexuality educator, trainer, author, performing artist and activist, she travels to colleges, universities, communities and conferences teaching workshops and speaking about sexuality. She has taught workshops at such schools as Barnard College, Princeton University, Vassar College, NYU, & Gallaudet University. A professional trainer of sexuality professionals, medical students, college students and youth for fifteen years, she has taught courses at the City University of New York and the University of California at Santa Barbara. Amy Jo is co-author of Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men and contributing Author of All About Sex, among other writings. She has worked in various women's and queer communities as an activist and advocate. Amy Jo maintains a private sex coaching practice and facilitates her six month sexuality program for women, The Sexually Empowered Life, in New York City. She can be found online at http://www.amyjogoddard.com/ and https://www.facebook.com/pages/Amy-Jo-Goddard/348841508485024

Peliculas Online

If You Could Ask Women Anything, What Would It Be?

Thinkstock

It's no secret that women are hard to understand. We can never be sure what'll turn them on, turn them off or arouse their fury. And we really don't know what they're saying when guys aren't around.

But, readers, we're on a mission to find out. We're filming our first roundtable chat with a group of girls who are willing to answer and debate anything about relationships and dating -- but it will only work if we get really good, thought-provoking questions. So, please don't email us with "Do you like it in the ass?"

If you could ask anything, what would it be?

Email us at editorial@askmen.com.

Sexually Pleasing A Woman

Sex Secrets - Here's What Your Woman What's You To Know IN BED But Would Never Tell You

In this article you are going to discover SEX SECRETS that have the potential to remarkably improve your ability to SEXUALLY SATISFY your woman.

You see, many guys get frustrated because they think that their women should just tell them what they want in bed. And whilst this would make life a lot easier for us guys -- that's not how women are 'wired'.

Here's the thing...

Your woman just wants you to now what she wants in the bedroom.

She doesn't want to have to tell you.

Now you might be thinking:

"How the hell am I meant to know what she wants? I'm not a freaking mind-reader!"

And I hear what you're saying.

And that's why the SEX SECRETS I'm about to share with you are so important -- because they are relevant for virtually all women. In other words -- what I'm about to share with you is what every woman wants in the bedroom.

Nice.

NOTE: The reasons why your woman doesn't want to simply tell you what she wants during sex are as follows:

- In her eyes, it makes you less of a man if you need telling (she thinks you should just know)

- She might end up feeling slutty if she tells you what she really wants, whereas -- if you just do it, she can 'blame' you for it happening and not feel guilty

Background over, let's get into the secrets.

3 Sex Secrets About Women That You Need To Know

1. She Wants You To Be In Charge

This is so important.

Women are sexually submissive.

This means that your woman wants you to BE IN CHARGE in the bedroom.

So do it.

Never ask or beg for sex -- men who do are just pathetic and don't end up getting any!

Strong men, men who TAKE CONTROL and act dominantly in the bedroom -- they get a lot of sex.

2. She Wants You To Talk Dirty -- VERY Dirty

This sex secret is huge:

For a woman -- the mental stimulation during sex is just as important as the physical stimulation.

This means that you have to talk dirty to your woman to give her GREAT SEX.

3. She Wants You To Make It Really 'Nasty'

In public, your woman is unlikely to talk about nasty, naughty, dirty sex -- but it's what she wants.

Video cameras, mirrors, crotch-less panties, sex parties, handcuffs.

Whatever.

Just give her the NASTY SEX she really wants.

Of course, the reason why these sex secrets are so powerful is because when you use them -- you'll find it way easier to 'get your woman off'. Of course -- that's the most important thing you must do to give your woman GREAT SEX...

You must give her ORGASMS. Lots of orgasms, including vaginal orgasms.

By the way -- to learn more sex secrets that you can use to give your woman GREAT SEX and vaginal orgasms, click HERE.

Sexually Pleasing a Woman