Sex and love - two of the most discussed and controversial topics that exist in man's psyche and social consciousness. I, being a man, decided to place sex before love in this article. Does that say something about my gender? If this article had been written by a woman would it be the other way around? Or would it depend on the woman - or on the woman's mood or the interplay of her hormones on the particular day when she decided to write this article? Hoping that I'm not coming off as sexist here but the point is, where are these two factors in relation to each other and what are the factors that determine their importance.
While we may consider that men focus more on sex and women more on love this is obviously a generalisation that may not be useful in the real world. We all have hormones. Our sexual hormones lead us to desire sex with someone of the opposite sex (well the vast majority of us anyway). The reason this urge is so strong is that it is a basic requirement for the survival of the species. Without sex sand the union of the sperm and ovum the species will not continue. It's the same reason that it's very difficult to ignore hunger. Hunger is also a result of hormones and is telling us to eat in order to keep us alive. It is also a survival urge.
We share these urges and activities with other members of the animal kingdom. But we are not just animals ( well most of us aren't) so we can't just go around having sex with the nearest partner in the same way that monkeys might, and even monkeys have their own rituals and social customs. Man is self-aware and has a complex web of social customs, religious beliefs and cultural practices. The activity of sex must finally occur and children must be born for the survival mechanism to work, but the ways in which we get together vary from culture to culture.
And so we have love. There are of course numerous types of love but here we are discussing the love between a man and a woman. This love cannot consist merely of sexual attraction. We are far more complex beings than that. However it must necessarily contain sexual attraction as a basic element. Love, it would seem, is a mixture of sublimated sexual energy, not so sublimated sexual energy, good communication and a certain amount of agreement between the two partners regarding different aspects of life, whether political, religious, cultural or artistic. In other words they should share a certain amount of life experience in common.
The initial attraction is an interesting subject on its own. We find certain types of people attractive sexually and others not so much. I'm not just talking about whether the person is thin, whether the woman has ample breasts and whether the man is athletic. Most of us don't measure up to these lofty standards. I mean the characteristics - hair colour, eye colour, the way a person laughs, their mannerisms or the way they choose to dress. These and many other factors can influence us in our perception of the other as sexually attractive. I can't pretend to know what influences each of us. Psychoanalysts would say we are attracted to partners that remind us of our mother or father. If you did a statistical analysis on that I think you would find it was incorrect. Maybe we are influenced by our past life partners and lost loves.
In any case there must be a balance of sexual attraction with a feeling of true affection for your partner for a relationship to work. There must be common ground. There must be agreement. Without these things a marriage will break down and would certainly not last beyond the sexually active years.
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